Some Answers, Some Observations

Hi Beaner,

Let’s see, to do my best to answer your questions:

I’m not sure, but I think I have had that “which way am I actually going?” sensation on a train before.  Not too often, but it may have happened.  I more often get a strange…I don’t know…vertigo-type sensation, where I’ll be sitting somewhere and suddenly start to feel like I’m laying down.  It starts gradually, where I’ll feel like things near me, even things I’m holding, are getting further away, like I’m slowly reclining.  But I’m not.  Sometimes it’s really strong and quite strange and I have to remind myself “Nope, still sitting, just doesn’t feel like it.”  I have to admit, though, it’s cool.  I like it.

I think at 25 you can still be wearing leggings and baggy hipster shirts – wear whatever you want, goddammit!  Except for wet-look leggings.  Do not wear those. I think you’ll either look too Lindsay Lohan or too Katinka Inga Gegovena-na-na, neither of which is beneficial to your reputation.

Chances of us moving to New York could be high if we wanted them to be, but I think once there we’d have greater chances of working our way into the lives of artsy hipsters than the nouveau riche of the Upper East Side.  Which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.  But outfits like Jenny and Serena would be involved.  Definitely.  (I need to catch up on Season 2! Ah I’m so behind!)

I’m not sure how to deal with the Nanny, other than be like, “Look, son, lift the seat when you pee.  Or else.” Really scare him on the “or else” bit.  Just for kicks.

And the cable knit sweaters….I have no comment.  Seriously.  There are so many messages to get across to that country, so difficult to do.

So this past week the Pirate and I had to go to this dinner presentation for work, which meant a driver picking us up from the office and driving us an hour down to Hotlantic City on the Jersey shore (and back after), where we mingled with doctors and smiled and I didn’t really do anything except eat and hope no one asked me questions because I barely know anything about the company I work for.  The dinner was in a private room upstairs at this casino.  For a while I had to stand downstairs and made sure our guests found the place, which left a lot of time for people watching.  Which leads me to my conclusion: there is a higher concentration of fanny packs in casinos than almost anywhere else.

Which, upon googling ‘fanny pack,’ lead me to an interesting fact I did not know and would like you, as my token Canadian (ha), to clarify: according to wikipedia you call it a bum bag?  And so does the UK and Australia?  Please follow up with me regarding this important matter.

Wikipedia was kind enough to lead me to the related article about the group FannyPack, who in 2002 put out that not-so-hit song that my then-roomate and I made up a ridiculous dance to, “Camel Toe.”  Ahh, good times.

On that note, it’s time for me to get dressed.

I miss you too.  And take the cruise!!

Love,

Pilot

Pilot, I…

miss you.

xoxo-B.

Some Questions I Ponder

Do you ever sit on trains and get confused as to whether or not you are in fact facing the way of travel?  I was getting a little nauseous on the train the other day and I had to ask myself, am I facing the direction of travel?  Is that tree coming towards me?

Is 25 (almost!!!)  too old to be wearing leggings and baggy hipster shirts?

Are the wet look leggings too Lindsay Lohan?

What are the chances of us moving to New York together, and working our way into the lives of the rich and famous… like people like Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass, and wearing outfits like Jenny Humphreys and Serena van der Woodsen?  (Yes, I started watching Gossip Girl again… I’m all caught up on Season 2, and I highly suggest you watch… so much better than last season.)

How do you tell a nine year old boy (yes, I’m talking about the Nanny) to put the toilet seat up before peeing?  I’m so tired of sitting on little droplets of pee…

How do you tell a whole country that there is no reason for them to be selling large cable knit sweater dresses for their new Autumn line?  It doesn’t go below 10 degrees people (I gave lots of room on that one… I still haven’t experienced below 20 degrees)!!!!

I thought you would be interested in answering some of these.

St. Patricks day was good!  It involved a couple of pints of Guiness for lunch, a nice shift at work and a mission back to the city with Potato, Butterfly and co., and work friends.  I met some real live Irish people, and lot’s of people who insist that they have some irish in them.  (Which reminds me of this one time, when I was working with an Irish girl and she said (and I quote): “If i hear one more bloody person tell me they’ve got a bit of irish in them, I will kill them.”

The end of the night/beginning of the morning involved lil’ T and I hanging out with a couple of English lads in a Casino and watching them blow their money.  It’s crazy to me how crazy people are.  The guy just gave away $200 (pretty much).  Are you serious?!  Common!  The things I could have done with that money.  Give it to me and I’ll shuffle and flip a few cards in front of you…. man.

I’m also really into coffee right now… I know, I know, I always have been, but I just can’t stop drinking it.  I need a detox, even though I don’t believe in them.

Also!  I might be able to get on a cruise!  (Yes, kind of like Leonardo DiCaprio!)  My friend works on a cruise ship, and he docks in Brisbane for the next five weeks or something… anyways, if he gets to know the entertainers well enough, they can sign on a free guest!!  Sweet eh!?!  Imagine that!  A free cruise!

Well, I’m gonna go make myself a cup of Java (which also reminds me!  I can’t wait to have a cup of freshly brewed coffee!!!  We have an espresso machine at work, which is fabulous, but what I wouldn’t give for…. also, i miss you and starbucks and saturday mornings!).

xoxox-B.

Kinda Like Dolly Parton…

….in the workin’ 9 to 5 sense, I mean.  Or 8:30 to 5.  Or 8 to 4.  The idea stands, however – most of my time is spent indoors.  I have to start looking into careers like…”camp counselor” or “dolphin trainer” or something.  A little fresh air would go a long way these days (it’s starting to be somewhat nice!  The sun shone today, finally!).

Oh, and HAPPY ST. PATTY’S DAY BEAN!!  I hope you are decked in green enjoying a pint somewhere with leprachauns.  Or friends, at least.  I wish I was there for a festive “cheers.”

I celebrated my Irish heritage on Saturday with the Pirate, our German entourage, and thousands of our closest friends aboard the Erin Express, free shuttles (read: school buses converted for the day to carry drunk people) that go around Philly all day stopping at different Irish pubs, hop on hop off when you want kinda thing.  It was great, though I use the term “aboard” loosely, as we didn’t ever step foot on the bus (lines too long) but instead made our own pub crawl.  The beer cans were green for the occasion, the bars were selling six packs (which fit so conveniently inside my large purse for added mobility), and I fashioned my pair of glow stick sunglasses into a glow stick monocle.  It was a classy affair all around.

Bill had turned 21 the day before, so that meant we got to legally go out together in the US!  It was good, quality family time.

And, before I go to bed at a ridiculously early hour and in honor of the holiday I’ll share what happened to the Pirate last year while babysitting:

Pirate (to child): “Today’s St. Patrick’s day!”

Child (approx. age 5): “So?  When’s Gary’s day?”

Ahh, if only all holidays and religious celebrations revolved around Sponge Bob.

Miss you B!

-P

On Family Dinners, Germans and All Day Drinking

BAHHH!

I just wrote a HUGE post and clicked publish, and it published it blank!  Erased everything!  I’m so confused and slightly angry : (

(I really miss Japanese emoticons)

I miss you little Beaner, and I’m SO sorry I haven’t responded all week – it’s been super crazy and work and family filled.  I just wrote you all about it, but it’s gone.  And now I need to take a break, so I will give you more details this evening, promise!

How about a joke for now though?

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? (the sport you looooooove)

Juan on Juan.

ZING!

More to follow.

LOVE LOVE LOVE!

-P (diddy)

In Case you Ever Check This…

Don’t worry fellow readers!  I: Bean, will single handedly keep this blog going!  I may not be the “Pilot”, if you will, but I am so into talking (especially about myself), that I don’t mind writting letters to no one… but myself… Pilot?…. Pichan?….I haven’t talked to you in days.. Weeks?  So much has happened… At least, that’s what it feels like to me, in my little suburb of Brizzy.

Okay.  So I met these amazing people.  No, I’m serious this time.  Soul mate material.  Not just a best friend one night stand.  The real thing.  (This is going to be really embarrassing if they all turn out to be fakers… but who has to know… no one is here to call my bluff…. hmmm…).

Anyways!

I was talking to Freud one day, truly bummed about the lack of people I had been (or rather hadn’t been) meeting.  He encouraged me to not be so turned off by Couch Surfing, just because it’s meeting people online; which can have a negative stereotype attached to it.  You agree no?  I felt we had had some poor luck in the couch surfing area… the guy who said he hated americans… the guy who burned everything we said we liked… the group at the bar that didn’t look very open to newcomers…the girl who wanted to show me Brisbane by taking me to see a movie (cool! let’s hang out in silence!)…

Anyways, so after Freuds power talk, I went back to couch surfing to seek out cool people by reading what they write about themselves… ooooobviously everyone is going to sound cool!

But then I came across Mr. Seattle.  (sorry for the lack of creativity on the nick name… haven’t met the guy…) and he was basically the guy version of me.  For real… check it (these are his interests):

“Travel. Travel. Travel.  I wish I had dreadlocks. Basketball; Actually any sport. Indie music. Low budget movies.
Walking around.  Running around. I have a tendency to go out of my way to make people happy. People watching.  Conversating with random people.  Riding bikes.  The almighty internet.   Helping people when possible.
I am going to stop racism.  I aspire to be more like captain planet.  Being kind.  And as much as I hate to say it; I like fashion.”

K, i know what you are thinking… Bean?!  But NO!  It’s Mr. Seattle (okay, okay, so I don’t want dreads,… but in high school I used to pretend i had dreads by twisting my hair… and i DO like basketball!)

Anyways, so I message the guy, telling him that Dude!  You’re me!  But a guy!

Bad news.  He is no longer in Brisbane.  No shit.

No worries!  He does want to help people when possible; because he tells me not to worry!  He will hook me up with his good buddy!

? Hurm?

A week later I get a facebook message with three people in it: Mr. Seattle, Friend and Me.  He introduces us.  He (friend) asks me to go out Thursday for a drink.  I call him after i’m finished work on Thursday; I meet him on Queen st, in one of those bars we always eyed while walking down handing out resumes and wishing we could be as cool as the suits sitting in those bars.

So he spots me first and comes over and takes me into a huge big hug.  I shall call him Pookie.  We go into the bar and I go and get myself a drink (“Carlsberg?!?!”  I shout… cute bartender laughs at me and asks where i am from… heeEEeeey).

Anyways… a fellow Canuck joins us later and she too greets me with a big hug!!  Holy Moly!!  Soul mates!   We spend the evening drinking with a British guy (dating the Canuck) and a girl I work with and her friend and a guy that found me on Couch Surfing.   We go out dancing and I hug them to death and then we head home.

I meet them the next day for drinks, but to my disapointment, Pookie is stuck at a work thing.  I meet more people though!  Thankfully, Pookie calls me the next day to ask if I wanna go to Family!!!  He called at midnight though… little too late brother… waaah.  No worries.  We spent about two hours on Sunday talking and i wish you were here to meet him.  He would totally be in our bike gang.

Tomorrow is the wedding!!!!  I can’t wait!  I was meant to buy a dress today, but of course when you want something you don’t find anything.  Obvi.

To thank me for doing her dress, Butterfly is going to pay for me to get my hair done.  WeeeeeEEEEEEeeeee!!!!!!!!  I’m hoping to magically find a dress in the morning… ?!?!?

Pilot— I have so much more to write, but I’m so tired.  Where are you!?  Why aren’t we talking?!!?  Are you too busy?!?  Stop it.  Please.

Notes for our next conversation: soulmates, popcorn, Scarlett, surprise pancakes, surprises, blonds, internet, dating, internet dating, weddings, making clothes, sleeping, contacts, jobs, travelling, Ashleigh, skinned knees,  books, reading, unlimited internet….. just for reference

Love you and miss you.

xoxoxo-B.

I Need a Shopping Partner!!!

Earth to Pilot- I can’t do this alone.

What do you have a life now or something?

I went to a yoga class this morning.  Trying to fix what the bed is breaking.

Also- I am simultaneously destroying and making better Socrates and Butterfly’s wedding.  How you ask?

I have been working on Butterfly’s dress for the last week, pricking my fingers, squinting my eyes, to add lots of beading.

I have been plotting with Socrates on how to shock everyone.  Details to follow.  I will videotape.

xoxxo-B.

PS. was invited to the wedding… DRESS?!?!  SHOES?!?!? HAIR?!?!?!

It’s too Beautiful to Sleep

Dearest Pichan.

I feel so wonderful and serene this morning.  Yep, serene.  It’s a really chilly morning, and the breeze is strong, so my room is super cool, and the birds sound like Scuttle from the Little Mermaid, and the sun is shining, and I can’t sleep and I just said byebye to zee Germans about one hour ago.

AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  My face skin is feeling really soft and wonderful too this morning cause I bought new “night creme”.   I love satisfying epidermus feeling in the morning.

Also, I laughed to myself this morning about something… I think it’s really funny when grown Ozzie men say in all sincerity: “G’day matey, how ya goin’.”  I giggle everytime a dude says that to me.  Heehee.

Life seems to be more full of activity since we left each other!!  Actually thats a lie.  Is it?!  I don’t know.  You sound chalk full of time well spent… my life was still a little depressing up untill recently.  I had a good long chat with Freud and I feel lots of bad energy that has been stored up in me released.  Phew! Depressed Bean?!  They just don’t go together.  Now Jumping  Bean, that goes together.  I think all I needed was a little pick-me-up-punch-on-the-shoulder-go-get-em talk.

Church church church.  Whenever I have to go to church these days (uhhmm… last last Christmas…) I feel super guilty about being in there.  I have had many opportunities recently to talk about Christianity and Catholicism.  If I had to be part of any religion, I’m glad it’s Catholicism.  It’s like the one religion where fakers are accepted.  How much more full are Catholic churces on Christmas, Lent and Easter?  Or when suddenly you have a child and realize that your church has a ‘must come to church rule to have your child baptised’.  Catholic guilt exists indeedy! I have not given up anything for lent.  Mostly because when I used to, I would forget about it.  I am proud to say though, that I have had many temptations (cutest bright pink dress in my size for $20!!!!!!  AAAAAA!!!!!!) and have not broken my “no shopping pact”.  Chan, its soooo hard.  It just makes me hate my wardrobe.  I went out last night and all i could think was, ‘stupid shirt i’ve been wearing for the last five months… stupid old leggings… stupid hair that needs to be cut.’

Wait!  I can get a haircut!!!!  Aaaaactivity!!!!!

Where was I?  Oh yah, Catholic guilt.  I’m glad to hear that you are giving up dairy.  Why do cheese (fetagoodhabrieyum!) and yogurt have to make that task so friggin hard?!?!!?  Gambate Pilot!  Good thing you can go to things like asian supermarkets on the parentals cash and get yummmmeeeee foooooood.  Pooocckkyyyy!!!!  Send me sooommmee!!!!  (Actually… i bet I can totally get that here.)

Last night I met up with zee Germans and Repeater in the Valley.  I was exploding with happiness to see their gorgeous faces again.  We had a few drinks and then I let them park their van on Indigo Cres.  They are leaving today (which is why I am up at six am writting to you… couldn’t sleep once I’d woken up) but, they are going to Ninbin to refuel and then to Surfers, where I will meet up with them on Sunday.

That also happens to be the day that a guy I met at the club, asked me to meet up with him and his friends on the Gold coast.  I love going from zero friends to too many friends/plans.

Oh yah, so I’m out with the Germans last night, and they insist on stopping for McDonalds on the way home.  Thats when I felt it necessary to ask: “Is there McDonalds in Germany?”  To which zee first German responded: “No, there is no fast food in Germany.”  Whaaat?!?!!?  That made my desire to go even stronger!!!  No McDonalds!!!  A place that can keep ol’ Ronald out is my kinda country!  So then I asked: “What do you guys eat?  Schnitzel?”

“Like every second day.” zee first German says in all seriousness.  I diiiied laughing my face off in McDonalds last night.

Also, this converation happened last night, which I also thought was incredibly funny:

“Psychology is very German!  You guys should like Repeater, he’s kind of like Sigmund Freud!” I said to zee Germans and Repeater.

“blahblahblbah” zee Germans say to each other.  Zee first German turns to me and says”Freud is Austrian.”

Ah crap, i’m the worst psyc major ever.

“So, not Freud.”  He continues.”Hitler, he’s like Hitler.”

Hhhaaaahahaha.

I also had a friend write this to me recently that I thought I would share with you:
I had a black guy come to my door today, and make me a sweet offer

i didnt have time to catch the details, but the just of it was that hed sell me a little hungry black kid for $1 a day.  But I had to feed him rice or something? I dont know.  Still sounded like a sweet deal.

Oh the company I keep.

Anyways.  I should finish this.

Final points/a few responses:

• sosososos sooooo devastating about your external hard drive.  I’ll make you a most wonderful cd darling.
• i love dance sequences.  how have we never gotten around to doing one?  note to self: next time i see Pilot…
• I will totally let you read my book as soon as i think it’s worthy… i’m struggling with it at the moment…
• snow?
• i think you can seek some kind of speech therapist re: your lisp.
• new display at the GoMA!!!
• toe is sore… it’s probably because i continue to walk on it and stand on it at work for five hours…
• i got a cell phone yesterday!!!  (there are only two numbers in it).
• Kaity and I are going to the shops, and i’m thinking i’m gonna go join the library to save myself from buying/spending money on books.
• got your postcard yesterday!!  thanks!!

love you and miss you

Peace, B.

Asia 2009 – The Devastation Continues

Yo Bean,

I was going to write you yesterday, but I just had such a busy day, there was no time!  Who thought home life could be so full of activity?!

It started with God (the family member, not the actual voice of our Lord) waking me up about five minutes before noon and expecting me to spring out of bed and be ready for Mass.  This did not happen.  We did, though, roll into church about fifteen minutes late and quietly find seats near the back.  Lucky for us, they were administering the Sacrament of Confirmation to some people in the middle of Mass, YAY!  Nothing like a surprise sacrament to make that hour really streeeeetch out into extra-innings.  That’s just the best, really.

I did decide during Mass to give up dairy for lent.  I mean, it’s not that big a change – goodbye, good cheese *sniff* – and I guess it just proves Catholic Guilt really does exist.

After church we went to the HUGE asian supermarket near my house where we bought so many vegetables (daikon and Japanese pumpkin weee!!) and lots of tofu and s0y milk and curry powder and Stinks got a LOT of Pocky.  It was quite a fun trip.  At night we went out for Thai and went to see Slumdog Millionaire.  Bean, I know you have not seen this movie and may not know what it is about, even (I didn’t until three days ago), but go see it, it’s really good.  Also, I’m quite sure that if you and I choreographed a dance together it would turn out quite similar to the dance the whole cast does in the final credits, i.e. pretty amazing.

This brings me to the low point of the day, the point in which I realized, after three days of being optimistic, that my external hard drive did not make it home from Japan.  The box it was in arrived with at least two sides busted out, and someone along the way had wrapped plastic around it to put it back together.  So, either the box ripped and my things fell out, or the box was ripped and my things were taken out.  I am not sure why someone would take only one of my shoes, but that is the case.  The main problem, though, is my hard drive, which contained my music, documents, and, oh yeah, every picture I took in Japan.  So, needless to say, I wasn’t in the best of moods last night.  And I’ll probably be hitting up most of my friends for photos.

Today is a snow day for almost everyone, yay!  So I get to snuggle up on our sweet new couch and…oh wait, no, I have to go through the piles and piles of clothes in my room and organize all my stuff in the attic, as per God’s orders.

Ok, a few responses:

• Guys with big butts NEVER look good.  NEVER.
• So you’ve got the beginning and the end to your book?  I really want to read your progress sometime (whenever it is that you feel ready).  I feel like us writing at the same time is helpful and motivational to me.
• Can you bend your toe?  If so, it’ll be fine.  In high school I once dropped a 25 pound weight (the big circular kind they put on bars for bench pressing and things) directly onto my big toe.  The whole thing and half my foot was purple and black for a few weeks, but it healed on its own.
• I don’t like ‘Hen’s Night’ either.  Not to sound all feminist, but it sounds like a name put in place by men.  Men who envision women sitting around pecking and making incessant clucking noises together.  I would never choose to call myself a hen.
• Keep working those Scots.
• Maybe I developed a strange lisp upon arriving in Pennsylvania and can no longer say the word “which,” I’m now forced to say “wish” instead.  EVER THINK OF THAT??

Miss you!  Over.

Blue or Gray? What Matters is the People

Hey Pilot!

I got your email this morning… five am to be exact.  I’ll set up the scene for you.

The bachelorette party came to a close, downtown, at some casino.  The ugly lights came on, that was our first hint it was time to hit the road.  Someone has the brilliant idea to invite the lads we were dancing with back to Chateau Oz and next thing I knew I was in a maxi taxi, being told my eyes looked red (“Contacts and allergies Asshole!”), and told to touch some guys hair.  My intentions were to flirt, get free drinks, and leave em with just the memory of a sweet lil’ Canadian.  Joke was on me I suppose.  Wanhh Wwaaaanhh.

If you remember, you know how I get at the end of a night.  When I’m done partying, I’m done partying (In case you need some clarification: me leaving Penny Black numerous times without a word). No more drinks, no more socializing, just get some drunks in to make a mess of my room, and go to bed.  I decided to go online first (cause drinking and internetting is always a good idea; actually I was feeling really homesick, and was hoping to catch a friend online) and I saw that you emailed me!!!

I started reading it, but Pilot!  It was so long!  Also, Guy-with-Big-But (hot on girls, not on guys) kept coming into my room trying to make conversation (and probably babies if he succeeded at the first task.  He did not, therefore, he did not move on to level two).  I fell asleep, but as soon as I woke up, I was like: “Pilot’s email!!!”

Clearly, I desperately miss you.

A few remarks about your email:

• I am also sick of Potato and unsure of what do/say.  We must have a business meeting to discuss, at your earliest convenience.  Big issue or let it go?!?!  I don’t knoooowwww!!!! *excessive hand flailing!!!*
• I did not meet Repeaters friends, but we did meet a few folks while drinking our happy hour beverage.  They included a Scottish man who bragged about doing a lot of cocaine, with a lot of people (including, Jack Nicholson), an Irish man who was going on about his dead mother and a girl and a boy, i’ll call them, Jack and Karen.
• I am not teaching refugees to be Australian, but tutoring them, for school.  (I suppose I can teach them a little bit about how to look cool)
• I do smell like a french fry, or a chip, as they like to say here, and it isn’t sexy.  And I would just like to expand on this note and say one thing: I now see why Australia is the most obese nation.  Everyone wants ‘chips with that’.
• also, don’t be sad that you left me in Australia.  You didn’t leave me, you had no option! I’m sorry Australia is so stupid.  Mmm, *serious head nod and scowl*
• I’m really really glad you started your book.  You’ve got really good ideas.   I like the touch of mystery and Japan.   I think I wrote the ending to mine… not sure if it should go in the beginning of the story, or the ending.  Also, lets discuss that at our next business meeting.
• the skies are brilliantly blue and beautiful here.  I’m still wearing tonnes of sunscreen, and walking a lot.  BUT!  I’d rather be in terrible weather and with you, than great weather and without you .

My toe is slowly getting worse.  I don’t want to pay to go see a doctor about it… I think it’ll be fine.  Should I ice it?  Whadoyou reckon?

When I was out with Repeater, he dared me to use the word ‘reckon’, everytime I went to get a drink at the bar.  It was hard.  I also believe I found a pretty good Ozzie beer, its called Hahn.  It was suggested to me by the guy I work with.  Speaking of which, the drink was bought for me by yet another crazy Scottish man.  I am very succesful these days at not paying for drinks!  (It helps that I don’t actually have money… I got my bank account details wrong and now have to wait and extra few weeks to get paid!!!  Blargh!)  Maybe that is the trick at ensuring drinks are bought for you: actually not being able to buy your own.  Honesty?  Hrrmm?

I miss the shit out of you!

xoxoxo-B.

PS. I don’t like that they call Bachelorette parties here, ‘Hens night’.  For some reason I picture a hen, in an apron, waving a spatula at her little baby chics, saying ‘Cause I said so!  That’s why!’

PPS. I would just like to point out, that in your last email, you wrote “wish” instead of “which”.  smarty pants.